:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
