i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
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