Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
