No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
