hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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