It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
