Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
