and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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