a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
