I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I am available for nakedness
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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