If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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