Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
You ruined the universe
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
