Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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