p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
