I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
