the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
