The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
