some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
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