i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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