mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
