At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
No more Irish car bombs ever.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
