wakey wakey hands off snakey
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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