Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Mom said you looked used
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
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