It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I would fuck him just for his dog
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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