im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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