i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
