Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
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