Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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