I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Randomize
