Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
