i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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