JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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