Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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