You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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