Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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