If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
She's the barista slut.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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