so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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