Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
