Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize