brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
i think i just lost a toe
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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