he puts the penis in happiness.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Randomize
