she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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