I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
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