woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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