I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize