I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
