are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
