Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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