omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
