Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
