Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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