Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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