You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
