and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize