god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
