I need to stop coming to work sober
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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