the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
