What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Randomize
