I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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