Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
