listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
