half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
