So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
