just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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