im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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