I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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