I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Randomize
