You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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