Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
