have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
