You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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