Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize