I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
