Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
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