I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
