I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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