Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
