Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
