Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
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