If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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