Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
