I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
