She's JV to your varsity
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize