Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
We are two peas in an std pod
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize