Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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