the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
