walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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