Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
