My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
