Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
