Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
