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me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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