you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
