why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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