when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
