You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
She needs sedatives and a leash
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
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