do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
