I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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