I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
