what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
