Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
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