so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
