I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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