Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
