We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
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