i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Dicks are not precious.
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