I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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