I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
When are your genitals available?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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