well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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