im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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